Three Takes on Spencer Hastings
by YouKnowWhatTheySayAboutHope
Summary: The way she sees herself, the way others see her, and the truth. Takes place during A is for Answers.


**1: Spencer**

"You're not listening Spence, you went back to sleep."

I lift my head to look Aria in the eye. She truly believes that I didn't do anything. But she wasn't there. Not when I confronted Ali that night two years ago, not when I found the dirt in my bed.

Only now do I realize I can't breathe. It's like the air is stuck in my throat and will not reach my lungs. My fingers curl up, gripping Emily's arm as tears fill my eyes.

For a second, I try to hold back my sobs. There is some kind of wrongness, something that isn't right about letting my friends see me cry. _I need to be strong for them,_ I tell myself.

Instead, I find myself succumbing into Emily's arms. How pathetic. _What kind of a Hastings are you?_ This voice in my head pops up. I try to block it out. _You don't deserve this. You don't deserve your friends._ It's mocking me now. _If only you'd been good enough to save them from A._

Tears start flowing down my face. I'm such a failure; I've failed my family before, now I've failed my friends. I just wasn't enough. I don't have enough energy to play this game on my own, I couldn't even find out who Boardshorts is without the pills.

My friend's eyes are on me, watching me. I can imagine what they must think of me now. Never have I felt this useless before.

Amidst my tears of frustration, I find a little relief. And anger. A was just messing with me, playing their games. I did not hurt Alison. I did not hurt anyone.

It's enough being a complication, without being a murderer.

 **2: Everyone**

Emily holds her friend, soothingly rubbing her back. She hates A for doing this to the youngest Hastings, she hates A for putting her down like that. Even though she and Spencer don't always see eye to eye (and find themselves arguing more often than the rest of the group), Emily loves the brunette to pieces. It feels kind of right, how after every time Spencer had been there for her, it is Emily's turn to hold Spencer.

Alison feels as guilty as hell. "Wait for it, Spencer," she told her friend earlier, when she had wanted to know whether or not she was guilty of attempted murder. It was cruel of her, Alison thinks, to leave Spencer waiting like that. It would've been so much easier for the tall brunette if Alison had straight up informed her of her innocence.

Spencer had the tendency to bottle things up. Aria knows that all too well. Most of the time, the petite brunette doesn't even notice that something is up with her best friend until it is too late. So it feels good for Aria, to watch Spencer let it out tonight. _You don't have to always be so strong,_ the writer wants to tell her friend.

Hanna and Spencer are complete opposites. Maybe that's what makes them fit so well together. Spencer is down to earth and intelligent, while Hanna is bubbly and always ready to crack a joke. Hanna finds herself having the most fun when with Spencer. Lately, she's been incredibly worried about her friend. She'd watched her fall apart, into pieces, working herself up so much over the mystery if Alison's disappearance. Maybe that's why the blonde feels so much resentment towards Ali lately. She'd left them hanging, and had failed to inform the liars of what was going on.

Hanna watched as Spencer slowly lifted her head and calmed her breathing, looking at Ali to let her know she was ready for her to continue her story. Shaking her head slightly, Hanna sighed. Spencer deserved so much more than the torture and pain do the last year and a bit. At least, she deserved this moment to let someone take the back-breaking weight of A off her shoulders.

 **3: The Truth**

From where the audience sits in the back of the Fitzgerald, the palpable intensity of love can be seen radiating from all five girls.

A worn-out girl with brown curls in a gray sweater sits on one of the couches, leaning on one of her friends, who holds her close. Neither of them know this, but the friend holds on to Spencer, tightly, as if she's afraid that if she'll loosen her grip, the other girl will slip away.

All girls in the room are well aware of how weathered their friend is. They have all been through more than their fair share of trauma, yet the one in the gray top was worn down before she became one of the victims of the game A was playing, worn down by all the pressure put on her.

A human can only take so much pressure until they break.

There are so many emotions in the air. They are drifting between each one of them, like autumn leaves drift in the wind, tumbling and clumsy, yet with some kind of beauty.

Concern, fear, love. More love than anything else. Directed at the girl with the curls and the gray sweater, but also completely my from her.

She would take a bullet for any of these girls. She'd gone through hell for all of these girl. She would do it again if she had to.

They would do the same for her.


End file.
